(Relationship Revelations) At Least the Golddigger Knows What She Wants
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- January 7, 2013
Written by Mish The Blogger
Give it up for the gold digger! At least THAT chick knows what she wants and goes after it. I don’t care what Kanye says, if the gold digger can get it, she deserves all that bling!
But what about the rest of us? If you let actor Hill Harper tell it, women should be dating a man for his potential and not for his net worth. He encourages this in his book “The Conversation.” And I almost fell for the “okey doke” until I had lunch with my close girlfriend Andrea at the Galleria’s former Fox Sports Bar & Grill. At the time, she’d been married for 8 years so the advice she was about to share would carry a lot of merit with me.
Our table was full of empty appetizer plates (we like to sample rather than chow down), and she snags my tall plastic cup of iced tea. And she slides it across the table in a pool of condensation over to her plastic glass of Coke. She says, ” See this glass of iced tea right here? It’s never gonna be Coke. If you want Coke, then you order Coke. But trying to make this glass of iced tea taste like Coke ain’t never gonna happen. It may LOOK like Coke, but it’s not Coke. Period.”
Aight. Iced tea is iced tea, and Coke is Coke. But hell, I was baffled. Why’d she tell me some crap like that? I knew I’d ordered iced tea. And for the record, I didn’t want any damned Coca~Cola.
Then she schooled me.
Since we’d been talking about the trials and tribulations of dating, she shared a story with me to make her point more clearly.
“I used fall in love with a man’s potential,” Andrea said, then stared me in the eyes wondering if I was EVER gonna catch a damned clue. “That’s what I was attracted to — everything he could be. I was attracted to the plans he was making and where I saw that he could be in the future.”
Hell, I couldn’t quite figure out what the problem was. So, the man’s got big plans. That’s attractive. So, I asked her, “What’s wrong with that?”
The she dropped the bomb
“Mish, if he never met that potential and absolutely nothing about the man changed from the day I met him, would I still love this man?” she asked rhetorically. “And I had to learn that if he never changed, I’d better be damned happy with who he was at that moment!”
Oh, snap! She was right. And that’s what she meant by comparing our drinks. If I didn’t want the iced tea and was expecting it to change into Coca~Cola, then I’d never be happy with my iced tea. I should’ve just gotten the damned Coke. It’s like the gold-digger going after a rich guy. If that’s what she wants, why are we all mad at her? (Now personally, I believe women who marry for money EARN every penny of it, but that’s a future Relationship Revelation!)
What Andrea was trying to tell me was that she learned to be happy and in love with the man as he was — in that moment in time. If he succeeded in his goals and grew to be an even better man, then fantastic. But if nothing about him changed, she learned to love the man she was with for who he was right then and there.
She’s right.
And while I hear Hill Harper for what he’s TRYING to say, it really doesn’t wash with me. After all, every time a man buys a lottery ticket, he has the potential to be a millionaire. But what if his numbers don’t hit? Or I could be dating a business man’s son? Sure, he could inherit the whole enchilada and be BALLIN’! But what if dad gives it all to my man’s step mom? Whoops! There goes the potential — out the damned window! And me and junior have to re-enact the Jefferson’s to get our “piece of the piiiiiieeeee!!!” (Ahem…’scuse me!)
But seriously folks, we all leave high school and college with HUGE dreams and aspirations. And many of us achieve most of our goals. Likewise, I’m pretty sure an equal number don’t achieve all they set out to do. So, what if the man I’m dating falls into that second category? Should I leave him? Should I be like Jay-Z and Swizz Beatz (who left his wife for Alicia Keys!) and be “on to the next one?”
Nah, I think next time I’ll just order a Coke!
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